As usual, I sit here at my computer tonight, with thoughts blaring in my head. I want to feel at ease, to feel peace..I want to know I am making the right decision.
Tonight was our wards mutual night, and I was asked to do a 'skeleton demo' night for our girls. I took my sled, my helmet, shoes, and my POV (point of view) DVD with me to the church, and walked the girls through the technicalities of the sport. I even let the girls lay on my sled and watch through a helmet cam, what it looks like to go 85+ mph, only inches from the ice. As I gave the demonstration, laying on my sled for the first time in 3 1/2 years, I felt all the emotions come rushing back in again. I wanted to run... I wanted to fly down an icy track and throw caution to the wind. I wanted the thrill of competition. For a moment, my head took me back to the top of the track, listening to the thumping of my heart as I closed the visor on my helmet, took one last breath, then ran for all I was worth and dove onto my sled. I could feel the chill of the ice as I gained greater and greater speed.. watching everything become a blur. There was no sound. Everything around me disappeared.
Then I opened my eyes to a room full of girls waiting and watching.... how long had I been dreaming?
I drove home, once again feeling the desire to start training again, to start competing.
Then I walked through my front door. My two boys turned and smiled the biggest smiles, just for me. My oldest ran into my arms, and my baby army crawled as quickly as he could, then wriggled with excitement as I picked him up and kissed him on the cheek. We went through our nightly routines of splash wars in the tub, chasing each other around the house, and blowing 'zurbits' on baby brothers belly. We laughed and giggled until bedtime. Then my oldest and I read stories, said prayers and kissed goodnight. I fed the baby, snuggled with him, then laid himd down for bed. As I was walking back across the house, shutting off lights, my oldest asked me to come back in his room. He said, "I just want you to snuggle with me. Just don't leave." I climbed in next to him, and tickled his back until his eyes shut. Then as I quietly crawled off his bed, he snuggled down into his blankets and whispered, "Thank you Mommy. Luff you."
Two moments, both gold medal worthy, I'll never forget.
Now, I am going to go crawl into my bed, next to my already sleeping hubby, and wonder. Which reward will be greater in the end.... a gold medal hung around my neck? Or those moments that will never be forgotten, but could be missed?
Which am I willing to miss?
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I just saw your post about the debating with the skeleton. My first reaction was about being a mom because I really think its important to be there for them. But then I think about you actually being able to be in the Olympics and that really would be an incredible opportunity! Just the fact that you even have a chance is incredible! But it would be hard to leave your kids, maybe for one year it would be ok but every winter for four years would be hard. I don't know what to tell you because that would be such a hard choice. But the really are both such great choices!!!
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