After a long break in posts, due to a computer virus, I'm back and feeling like I am 'almost' ready for 'my final answer'. I've struggled as of late, feeling like a rocking horse, going back and forth without really getting anywhere. I remembered something that my mom told me a long time ago... I'm feeling old today, so it was really only a few years ago. She said, "Sometimes when we are searching for an answer, and we feel that we aren't getting one, that is most often the answer." I have been wondering as of late, if I have been fighting the answer instead of accepting what it was. In an eternal aspect of things, I would trade any gold medals to have my brother back. However, I wouldn't take anything in return for the things I have learned and the people I've met since he passed. A gold medal lasts for 17 some odd days, your family, and the memories, are forever.
So, I've come to a semi-final decision. I'm going to compete one last time, this upcoming winter, and just race at Park City's track. I'm not going to travel anywhere. I'll just compete at the regionals race and PCity's version of the Winter X Games. Then, I can say that I finished well, and I'll have photos of my two boys with me at the finish line, hopefully on the podium. I'll know then, after having done it again, what I'm willing to sacrifice most.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
That's a really tough decision, but I think you've made a good one. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you were involved in this sport! That is really cool. I think that this would be a hard decision to make, but like your Mom said you probably knew your answer all along, but it take some sorting through to figure it out. I had similar feelings with continuing my education right after college. My heart just couldn't settle on which path of education was right for me but I REALLY wanted to keep going because I had a scholarship available to me that would pay for one more semester of schooling. But I had my husband's school ambitions to consider, (needing to help support him in finishing his). I struggled with it for months. Then I realized because I was feeling SO confused about it it probably wasn't time for me to fill out that part of my life yet. I let it go. I know I will feel a stronger sense of what it should be (my degree) later on and I plan on doing just that. But for the moment, all of that confusion was telling me to focus on my husband and soon to be family. Bummer for women sometimes, I totally get what you are saying. But, I know that the Lord realizes the sacrifices we make for our families, and I also KNOW that the little ones he has sent to you are his greatest priority. I think your solution sounds perfect. You can train, spend some solo time enjoying what you enjoy doing, but overall being able to be with the ones you love! I hope you feel settled and at peace with the decision you make!
ReplyDelete